Something personal to share

I decided a couple of weeks ago to get rid of ICEKOOLBABE as I think that name really makes me COLD.

My uncle during a conversation suggested that I was Cheerful Ann. Actually i was a cheerful person before lah. Then I became grumpy, cynical etc etc etc....

When my uncle suggested this name I said Hey, maybe this ICEKOOLBABE was not a good name so i changed everything to Cheerful Ann. I don't know it worked physiologically lah.

I went for a lovely Retreat in Maranatha in Janda Baik with the wonderful Fr. Monty and he said somethings to me that really got me started and thinking.

He said that despite everything I was a very bubbly (long time haven't been referred that way) person and had such an infectious laugh and that he was so amazed that I had so much expression on my face when I talked.

Hmmm, I was kinda disappointed when I went for the Retreat cos it was on healing and I did not feel healed. A participant suggested that maybe I did not need healing (total rubbish) and I was so sad that his wife sat on the potty and suddenly burst into tears and all I got was this hymn "Love it was that made us and it was love that saved us....." What nonsense.

Ah then cos i am charismatic maybe I was expecting the healing that we receive during the LSS healing sessions and that means DRAMATIC all the way.

I realised that when Monty said to sit with God and breathe in out the love and ask God to send Jesus to the areas that I needed him in, maybe that itself was something.

He also said that we should let God look at us and let Him enjoy us as we too must look at God and enjoy Him (something to that effect).

Fr. Monty actually got me to think and I said to myself that I was going to me the old me, Bubbly, laughing GILA GILA person and I needed to change my life and I think this time I had better sit more with God and let him change the evil ways in me.

Anyway since this retreat I have felt better and despite the difficulties of life and loneliness (yes that too), I can be a better person.

I also am glad that I have family that care.

My cousins were all so terkejut when they got this sms asking for forgiveness etc and some panicked, they thought i was going to end my life!!! Me, a gila gila person to even go that far. EEEE I am a coward lah.

I was so glad that some cousins guessed that religion had to play a part in it. Thank you Peter and Leo.

Luckily lah I did not manage to send to my direct family and friends too.

You see Fr. Monty said we live in the past and to move on, we must live in the present and to ask for forgiveness and tell people you love them and I did exactly that but I guess it was not the right thing to do.

I feel great.......that's all I wanna say

AND thank you God for sending your Son and Spirit to me to help me realise that without you, we are nothing.